Golden Screw-up Award

Our lucky contestants:


Senator Barack Obama, for his unofficial and apparently unauthorized attack on the junior Senator from New York. Of course, I enjoyed the unauthorized ad, so I'll give Senator Obama an exemption.



We'll put Al Gore in Obama's place. Look at his picture, the news must have really lit up his day. Gore, of course, lied to - I mean testified - in front of Congress this week about bad things like cars and light bulbs and productive citizens.





He's a longshot for this week's award, but US District Judge Lowell Reed, Jr. is nominated for ruling the 1998 Child Online Protection Act (COPA) violated a constitutional right to free speech, giving pornographers more legal rights than many bloggers (due to the McCain-Feingold Act).






Finally, we have our front runners - the entire HR 1022 crew. 'Nuf said about that gang of commies.





This week's winner - the envelope please - congratulations to the HR 1022 gang. We wish you the worst of luck in your attempts to fully enslave the American public.

Obama/Jr. Senator from NY photo from swedesforobama.com
Gore picture from caveviews.blog.com
Justice picture from www.spectator.co.nz
AR-15 from www.onnovanbraam.com

Golden Screw Up Award

It is time for another Golden Screw-Up Award.

This week's nominees are:

Al Gore, for not telling the truth in An Inconvenient Truth. Oops.

But part of his scientific audience is uneasy. In talks, articles and blog entries that have appeared since his film and accompanying book came out last year, these scientists argue that some of Mr. Gore’s central points are exaggerated and erroneous. They are alarmed, some say, at what they call his alarmism.

“I don’t want to pick on Al Gore,” Don J. Easterbrook, an emeritus professor of geology at Western Washington University, told hundreds of experts at the annual meeting of the Geological Society of America. “But there are a lot of inaccuracies in the statements we are seeing, and we have to temper that with real data.”

Polar explorers Ann Bancroft and Liv Arnesen
for their wonderful, albeit cancelled, trek across the Arctic to highlight the devestating effects of global warming and the tradegy of melting polar ice.

One night they measured the temperature inside their tent at 58 degrees below zero, and outside temperatures were exceeding 100 below zero at times...

"They were experiencing temperatures that weren't expected with global warming," Atwood said. "But one of the things we see with global warming is unpredictability."

Uh huh. The North Pole was really, really cold because of global warming.

James Cromwell, Jack Bauer's daddy on 24, for his recent patriotic comments in the UK.

"I can't handle living in the United States of America when I know the last two elections were rigged, and that we were denied our right to vote, where we live in a country where 32 percent of the people vote and even those people's votes don't count, and the people who should really have a stake, kids, don't have any say at all – people of color, very little to say, unions, practically nothing any more … we're losing our jobs. …"

The envelope please...

Congratulations to our Global Warming celebrities. No, sit down Al. This week's award goes to our polar explorers who blamed -100 degree temperatures in the Arctic on global warming. Congratulations, Ann and Liv.


Bancroft/Arnesen photo © www.thepoles.com
Al Gore photo © www.lonestartimes.com
James Cromwell photo © World Net Daily

Golden Screw-Up Award

Let's cut to the chase. Our nominees:

President George W. Bush, because he didn't have the fortitude or wisdom to pardon Scooter Libby. Mr. President, you'd better give your administration a healthy dose of Viagra or Cialis, because you guys are going to be completely impotent the remaining 1.75 years until Hillary gets in.

Ann Coulter, for her feelings toward John Edwards.


Al Gore, our perpetual nominee, for his do-as-I-say-but-don't-expect-me-to-be-inconvenienced-like-you-peons-should-be global warming efforts, high energy use, and "carbon offset credits."

This week, for many reasons, we'll offer an exemption to Ann Coulter. First, she's a fellow alum of the University of Michigan (even though it was the eeeevil Law School... that dark spot in Ann Arbor that produces drains-on-our-economy). Second, her comment wasn't a golden screw-up, it was well-calulated marketing gold - both for her and ironically for the Democrats using the remark against her. Third, she's the best columnist going. Fourth, my liberal family members hate her with a venomous passion, which makes the entire comment-thing that much more fun at family gatherings.

The envelope, please...

It is an inconvenient truth, but this week's illustrious winner is Internet Guru Al Gore. Congratulations.

Screwin' Up - Golden Style

It's time for the Golden Screw-Up Award.

This week's contenders:
Al Gore, former Veep of these great United States, inventor of the Internet and now, Academy Award® winning documentarian! How's that electric bill coming, anyway?

Senator John McCain, who's campaign slogan must be "It's my turn, darn it!" But, Mr. Republican isn't effectively wooing much of the party base.

Our final nominee is actually a package deal: the three people in Colorado who (allegedly, of course, unless convicted in a court of law) swapped their baby for a downpayment on a used car.



And the winner is: Al Gore! Congratulations on a great ending to your award-winning week.

Wait, I can't do this. Nothing is more stupid than selling your kid. Sorry, Al, I have to do a recount - and you are losing this week to the sicko trio from Colorado.

Golden Screw-up Award

Let's get to it. Our nominees this week include:

Al Gore
Our buddy, Mr. Internet, is not only a perpetual nominee, but unleased his personally-trained minions on Michigan this week to shut down whatever industry remains in my economically depressed State.

Nancy Pelosi
Our favorite Speaker of the House - by the way, she's a woman in case she hasn't reminded you in the last five minutes - for her "we support our troops but won't fund them so they'll get butchered out there and we can bring them home and let radical terrorists then come into this country but they'll only attack Republicans never Democrats because we are tolerant and understanding" resolution.

Brittany Spears
Bald looks much better on me. Need I say more?

And our winner is...

Ex-veep Albert Gore, Jr. Congratulations on your efforts to shut down businesses in the State of Michigan.

© Wayne Stayskal/Tribune Media Services

© Wayne Stayskal/Tribune Media Services

Golden Screw-Up Award

Let's cut right to the chase. Our prestigious nominees this week include:

Al Gore, our earth-lovin', internet-makin', dirty lyric censorin', internal combustion engine bannin' buddy from Tennessee - who enjoys an automatic weekly nomination for just being Al Gore.

Tim Hardaway, the retired NBA star who single-handedly created the worst public relations nightmare since TrimSpa lost Anna Nicole Smith last week. Come on, Tim. Use your brain when you are doing interviews - and while your at it, why don't you try working out some of those hate issues.

Democratic Senator and Presidential Hopeful Barack Obama, who announced his candidacy on Saturday and followed up right away with a statement that soldiers who died in the War on Terror "wasted" their lives.

And the winner is...

Oh, wait, this just in. Senator Obama gets a free pass this week. He gave the media sources something besides Anna Nicole Smith to talk about. Plus, I give him props for ticking Hillary Clinton off so much and ruining her big-time presidential candidacy announcement.

Congratulations, Tim Hardaway. You may hate it, you may think it shouldn't exist in the United States or the world, you may not want to touch one, but you just won a Golden Screw-Up Award. Now go see someone so you can get rid of the hate burning inside you.

The Inaugural "Golden Screw-Up" Award

We used to have a dubious trophy at work constructed of a gold-plated screw and a block of 2x4. We called this trophy "The Golden Screw-up Award" and had lots of fun passing it around to each other when someone, well, screwed up. I was the not-so-proud recipient of the award on many occasions, some work related, some personal.

Then one day, a new boss came in and told us this award created a "threatening and hostile atmosphere," doled out some corporate discipline, and made us give up the trophy. So, of course, in a last act of rebellion, we made the new boss the final recipient of the Golden Screw-up Award. At least, those brave enough to get fired... I wanted my job, so I shut up and pretended I didn't know what was happening.

In honor of my old compatriots, and in a desire to do something that will give me an easy post once a week, I have decided it is time for a rebirth of The Golden Screw-up Award, paying appropriate tribute to one national or international figure/group for their attention-worthy action(s).

As a side note, I was going to make Al Gore a perpetual nominee, but this week he announced he wouldn't run in 2008, so I'll cut him some slack.

Our nominees this week:

Arkansas Judge Jimm Hendren, who disallowed mention of the Constitution in a court case.


Liberal columnist Molly Ivins, but since she died this week, I'll remove her from consideration.

The entire Detroit Lions organization for achieving the worst record in professional football over the last seven years.

This one is a no-brainer. The winner is...

Arkansas Judge Jimm Hendren, a man who threw the Constitution out the window!

The lights are going out all over the United States. Another one went out Jan. 12, when “Compassionate Conservative” Judge Jimm Hendren kicked the Constitution (U.S. and Arkansas) out of his courtroom by disallowing its mention, then made the jury leave the courtroom during Wayne Fincher’s own reasoned, knowledgeable defense of his militia and his weapons. Evidently the judge believes he knows the law (arbitrary unconstitutional laws passed by Congresses), and juries don’t (they might question some statutes violating constitutionally guaranteed rights?), and so he decided what they may hear and what they may not (judge and jury?), according to the desires of the federal prosecutors.

Congratulations, from all us peons around the country.

pe·on [pee-on] - noun
any person of low social status, esp. one who does work regarded as menial or unskilled; drudge.